The first post

For some reason, I find journaling just for myself really hard. I like to think that if I post stuff out there publicly it will help someone. Plus it's more like screaming into the void than into my empty room. So, in that vein, here begins my recovery journey part dos. 

I am an alcoholic and a drug addict, have been for a very long time. My DOC has always been opiates but I'll take anything I can get especially alcohol. I started getting high recreationally in the early 90s. By the end of the 20th century, I was a full-blown, drug seeking, drug stealing, working high, life going down the tubes addict. I got clean and sober in 2002. I stayed that way until 2010 when I stopped putting my recovery first. It began with a few glasses of wine. It's ended with 3-4 years of daily drug use. Things came to a head at the end of May so I left my wife in NZ and came to Texas to stay with my parents and get my shit together.

When I first arrived, I just got worse. I stole opiates from anyone who had them. I also went to the emergency room to get them. I started going to AA meetings and finally a switch was flipped and now I've got 10 days clean and sober. My final epiphany was the visual of a giant pill bottle and how the bottle would never be full enough. There would never be enough drugs to fill that hole. How much more of my life am I willing to pour into that hole? There isn't an end in sight except my death, that's it. I will never stop pouring my heart, soul, time, money, self-respect, dreams, goals, everything I am into that hole on my own. The only way to stop is through my recovery program. So here I am. Anything goes for me in this space so if you don't like hard truths, vulgar language, embarrassing situations, or anything uncomfortable then you should probably leave now and not read any further. You've been warned. If you're willing to stick it out with me then welcome on my journey.